Ace Week is an annual event that brings asexuality awareness from the 22nd to the 28th of October. It was first celebrated as Asexual Awareness Week in 2010. It is part celebration of the progress made by the Asexual community and part of a campaign for better insight and recognition of asexual-spectrum identities.
The ace community has achieved substantial public awareness over recent years. Asexual representation in mainstream media remains to progress. The majority of LGBTQI+ organizations now acknowledge asexuality and ace community groups have grown and flourished around the world. Ace Week recognizes the important achievements and efforts that facilitate the growing awareness of Asexuality.
Although there is much to celebrate, the fight for visibility and acceptance is still ongoing. Ace identities are often forgotten or mistaken, and many ace children still grow up not recognising that asexuality is a sexual orientation. Ace’s other marginalized identities directly affect issues faced by ace people. In the ace community many such those who are aces of colour, disabled aces, and aces with other LGBTQI+ identities—can face significant barriers to equality and acceptance.
Asexuality, Attraction and Romantic Orientation
Asexual is a term coined to define someone who does not experience sexual attraction toward individuals of any gender. Ace is an abbreviated term for ‘asexual.’ Asexuality is an identity and a sexual orientation. Sexual orientation describes the kinds of people to whom a person is sexually, romantically, or emotionally attracted. It’s also called sexual identity. It is different from celibacy because celibacy is the choice to abstain from engaging in sexual behaviours. An asexual individual may wish to participate in sexual behaviours for several reasons even whilst not feeling sexual attraction. Asexuality is not a medical condition. Sexual attraction is not essential for people to be healthy.
The terms aromantic and asexual do not mean the same thing.
I would like to think that Asexuality is a spectrum of sexuality with different variants such as:
· Gray-A, gray-asexual and gray-sexual are terminologies used to define individuals who feel as though their sexuality falls somewhere on the spectrum of sexuality between asexuality and sexuality.
· Demisexual individuals are people who do not feel primary sexual attraction but may feel secondary sexual attraction after an intimate emotional connection is formed.
· Reciprosexual is a term to describe if you feel attracted to another person after knowing they are attracted to you. Every reciprosexual’s experience is unique to the person and can lead to varied sexual responses. For instance, some reciprosexual people may not want to have sex, even after experiencing attraction to someone.
· Aceflux is a terminology to describe individuals who fluctuate between experiencing sexual attraction and not experiencing it and/or experiencing sexual interest to different strengths.
· Akiosexual (also called akionesexual and lithsexual) is a terminology which refers to a person who experiences sexual attraction but has their feelings fade if returned. Akiosexual can also be defined as someone who doesn’t care or want their feelings reciprocated.
Attraction defines the interest, desire, or affinity that's emotional, romantic, sexual, physical, or aesthetic in nature. The attraction may be misunderstood as being purely romantic because many feelings qualify as an attraction.
There are many different types of attractions, including:
· Sexual attraction is an attraction that makes people desire sexual contact or show sexual interest in other people.
· Romantic attraction is an attraction that makes people desire romantic contact or interaction with another person or persons.
· Aesthetic attraction occurs when someone appreciates the appearance or beauty of other people, disconnected from sexual or romantic attraction.
· Sensual attraction is the desire to interact with others in a physical, non-sexual way, such as through hugging or cuddling.
· Emotional attraction is the desire to get to know someone, often because of their personality instead of their physicality. This type of attraction is present in most relationships from platonic friendships to romantic and sexual relationships.
· Intellectual attraction is the desire to interact with another person in an intellectual manner, such as engaging in conversation with them, “picking their brain,” and it has more to do with what or how people think instead of the people themselves.
Aromantic describes individuals who do not experience romantic attraction toward individuals of any gender. Romantic Orientation is described by an individual’s pattern of romantic attraction based on people’s genders despite one’s sexual orientation. For individuals who experience sexual attraction, their sexual orientation and romantic orientation are often in alignment (i.e., they experience sexual attraction toward individuals of the same gender(s) as the individuals they are interested in forming romantic relationships with).
Some examples of Romantic Orientations but it is not an exhaustive list:
• Aromantic: They are individuals who do not experience romantic attraction toward individuals of any gender(s). Aro is an abbreviated term for ‘aromantic’.
• Biromantic: romantic attraction toward males and females.
• Heteroromantic: romantic attraction toward people of a different gender.
• Homoromantic: romantic attraction towards people of the same gender.
• Panromantic: romantic attraction towards people of different gender.
• Polyromantic: romantic attraction toward multiple, but not all genders.
• Gray-romantic: individuals who do not often experience romantic attraction.
• Demiromantic: an individual who does not experience romantic attraction until after a close emotional bond has been formed. People who refer to themselves as demiromantic may choose to further specify the gender(s) of those they are attracted to (e.g., demi-homoromantic).
• Recipromantic: term to describe if you feel attracted to another person after knowing they are attracted to you. Every recipromantic’s experience is unique to the person and can lead to varied sexual responses. For instance, some recipromantic people may not want to have sex, even after experiencing attraction to someone.
• Aroflux: term describes individuals who fluctuate between experiencing romantic attraction and not experiencing it and/or experiencing romantic interest to different strengths.
• Akioromantic: a person who identifies as akioromantic feels romantic attraction but is uncomfortable when reciprocated.
The individual force of the attraction could also fluctuate, going through phases of weakness and intensity. Please keep in mind that sexuality has several elements that exist on a continuum, so you can explore it at your own pace.
In understanding identities and attractions, it is important to remember that orientation and attraction do not necessarily define or predict behaviour. This is another important reason why it is important to ask people how they identify, as you cannot assume you know someone’s identity based on their behaviour. This also means that you cannot assume what types of relationships or behaviours a person will engage in simply by knowing how they identify.
Sexual identities and romantic orientations are not linked and therefore a person could be asexual, aromantic, neither, or both asexual and aromantic.
Many aromantic individuals may still desire relationships and experience various types of attraction to others such as queerplatonic relationships (QPRs). QPRs are those relationships that are not romantic in nature but they involve very close emotional connections that are often deeper or more intense than what is traditionally considered a friendship. Since there is no adequate language to describe queerplatonic partners, some people refer to these partners as zucchini. Squish is a term used to identify aromantic crushes; the desire for a non-romantic/platonic relationship with another person.
Next Step…
When people explore their sexual identity and share it with their friends and loved ones, it can be a challenging journey, but finding the right therapist who can offer affirmative therapy to encourage and support you through your journey.
I am a supportive ally to clients who want to explore their sexual identity and offer unconditional care to encourage dating and healthy relationships. Most importantly, I am not here to try to change their sexual orientation.
Always remember that your sexuality is yours to discover, identify, and label or not. Even though many other individuals will identify as aro/ace, it is unique for each person. Keep in mind that like other elements of your sexuality, it may change over time and exist on a spectrum of normal and healthy sexual and romantic choices.
Gender Sexuality and Relationship Diverse (GSRD) Therapy
Gender Sexuality and Relationship Diversities (GSRD) is a more inclusive term to replace the
acronym LGBTQIA+. It includes lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans people, intersex, BDSM/Kink, non-monogamy, sex workers, asexual, aromantic, non-binary and other gender non-conforming people, as well as those who feel generally excluded in discussions of LGBTQ+ issues.
You may be looking for a therapist with training in a variety of specific issues by feeling comfortable working with those who belong to the GSRD communities. I have been training and working in different LGBTQIA+ organisations which have specialised work with GSRD clients.
I am also very aware that mainstream psychotherapy has often persisted in focusing on someone’s gender and/or sexuality when it is unrelated to the issue being brought to therapy such as bereavement, depression, or anxiety. Trans and queer people suffer from job-related stress, intersex people suffer from traumatic experiences with correction surgeries, and kinksters suffer from a sense of loss when their children leave home. Often, GSRD clients can suffer from the consequences of homophobia, biphobia, lesbian phobia, transphobia and pathologizing BDSN/Kink practices.
As a GSRD psychotherapist, I believe in working with different tools to better fit the client's needs. I believe that gender and or sexuality/sexual behaviour is vital to the therapeutic process but I work at the client’s own pace to attend to GSRD-specific issues which the client feels that they need to work with or feel the need to have a therapist who understands “where they are coming from”.
I have experience in working with individuals who identify as transgender, non-binary, genderqueer, gender-questioning, genderfluid and gender-fluid, and other people who don't fit in these labels. I offer therapy for anyone who wants to explore their identity, regardless of whether they are considering or undergoing transition and can support you on your personal journey.
Straight and working with me!
Being a GSRD therapist does not mean that I do not see or work with heterosexual monogamous clients or that I do not appreciate the way they live their lives. On the contrary, I think that as a psychotherapist I have the privilege of listening and helping those who may have never had the opportunities to talk and to be listened to by others about different aspects of their lives.
About me
I am a gay queer therapist. I am passionate about helping LGBTQIAA+ people who are experiencing some life difficulties and would like to have a better life. My pronouns are 'he', 'him', and 'his'.
I am a BACP Accredited, BPC registered, ACTO Level 2 counsellor and psychotherapist and, a COSRT sexologist and intimate partners relationship trainee therapist.
It offers a safe, non-judgmental and supportive environment in which you have an opportunity to explore things that are worrying you. It is an opportunity to gain great insight and understanding of your thoughts, feelings, beliefs and behaviours that have an impact on your life and relationship. I offer therapy in English and Portuguese.
I provide an Asexual and aromantic-friendly therapeutic practice either face-to-face or online therapy. I offer a concession fee for online therapy.
For more information, you contact me at info@miltonsattlertherapy.co.uk or call me at +44 (0) 7936 898 707. You can also call me on WhatsApp.
Resources
Acronyms explained. (2019). https://outrightinternational.org/content/acronyms-explained
Asexual. (n.d.). https://www.thetrevorproject.org/trvr_support_center/asexual/
Asexuality, attraction, and romantic orientation. (n.d.). https://lgbtq.unc.edu/resources/exploring-identities/asexuality-attraction-and-romantic-orientationLGBT youth resources. (2020). https://www.cdc.gov/lgbthealth/youth-resources.htm
Savin-Williams RC. (2016). Sexual orientation: Categories or continuum? Commentary on Bailey et al. (2016). https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/152910061663761
Sex and gender identity. (n.d.). https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/gender-identity/sex-gender-identity
Sexual attraction and orientation. (n.d.). https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/sexual-orientation.htmlSexual orientation. (n.d.). https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/sexual-orientation/sexual-orientationTips for parents of LGBTQ youth. (n.d.). https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/tips-for-parents-of-lgbtq-youthWang Y, et al. (2019). The biological basis of sexual orientation: How hormonal, genetic, and environmental factors influence to whom we are sexually attracted. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0091302219300585
Chen, A. (2020) Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex. Boston: Beacon Press.
Russel, J (2023) The Sex Lives of Asexual. In: Erotically Queer: Pink Therapy Guide for Practitioners. Ed(s): Silva Neves and Dominic Davies. London: Routledge
For Further Reading:
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